Hey everyone!
Today I want to talk about the idea of putting myself (my personality and actions) into boxes. After a lot of reflection over the past few months, I realized how much I like to put parts of myself into boxes as a way to define myself. For example, I am a university student whose a homebody that loves reading. I think it’s only natural to put ourselves in boxes because we are constantly asked to do it. When we fill out “about me” pages in school, and when we’re asked about ourselves in interviews we have to carefully craft an image of who we are. Oftentimes, in doing so, we start to think we can only be certain things that align with the boxes we fit ourselves in.
Going out as a university student
One concept that prompted this reflection was the concept of going out (to the bar or club) as a university. Where I live the legal age is 18, so it is natural to go out and party in university, but it didn’t feel natural to me in my first year. It felt forced, and out of my comfort zone. Going out went against the boxes I put myself in (I don’t like drinking, I am a homebody). Second year was filled with other things and I think I only went out to a bar once, and I didn’t even drink because I was the designated driver. Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going out, in fact, I have learned to enjoy it. I don’t want to party or get drunk every weekend, but I can see the appeal of going for a drink with some friends. What I realized was that I was trying so hard to keep myself in some imaginary box, and it lead me to believe I didn’t belong.
Changing my mindset
It isn’t easy to start thinking that I can be multiple things at once, but realizing that parts of my identity aren’t mutually exclusive. I can be a homebody, but I can also enjoy going to the bar. The type A in me loves getting to describe myself with boxes that contain all the different parts of my personality, but reality is a lot messier with much more overlap—and that’s not a bad thing. Ever since my boyfriend and I started dating, I have been getting out of my comfort zone more because he encourages me to try things that “don’t feel like me.” This is part of why I realized I’d been trying to label myself as this or that, and then feeling extra uncomfortable when trying something new. The main thing I do when feeling unsure of myself in a situation is question why I am feeling the way I am.
Question why I am feeling the way I am
The first thing I do if I think “this isn’t me,” is question why I am feeling that way. Is it because I am uncomfortable because it is something new? If yes, I remind myself that new things can be scary, but I should give myself a chance because maybe I’ll love it. If I am feeling that way because it doesn’t match up with the bio I have about myself in my head, I also tell myself I deserve a chance to try it. Change is scary, but it’s what leads to growth, and as someone who hates change this helps. A couple years ago my grandparents got me a bracelet that says “2°” as a reminder that a lot of change is really small in the grand scheme of things, relative to 360°.
Reminder: you get to be whatever you want
Realizing that I can multiple things all at the same time is somewhat freeing. Humans are multifaceted beings, so we should do whatever makes us happy in the moment. I don’t know how many of you have ever felt this way—like you’re doing something out of character, when in reality you’re just trying something new—but I hope this article helped in some way. Remember, it’s okay to enjoy things that feel like they don’t go together.
Thank you for reading! This article was more to share my own journey with this idea. I honestly don’t even know if anyone else has had this feeling before. If you do feel seen by this article and want to talk further my Instagram dms are always open!
Have a good rest of your week!
Hailey