I can’t count the amount of times I have questioned if I picked the right major. While I know I am not alone in these doubts, that doesn’t make it easier. After three years of questioning, feeling like I’m not good enough, and completing class readings just for the sake of it, I finally realized why I feel the way I do. I don’t like the classes I have to take. Let me explain.
The Realization
When you first go to university, everybody tells you it’s great because you get to take things you enjoy. I think this is both true and false. Yes, you get to pick many of the classes you get to take, but you have restrictions. You are restricted both by the classes offered by your university and by the requirements set by your program.
I remembered looking through course catalogues and seeing all these really fascinating courses. What they don’t tell you: not all of those courses are offered. I don’t just mean they won’t be offered that semester or year; they may not have been offered for years. For example, they haven’t offered theory of video games since 2021, and they have no idea when it will be offered again. It becomes a lot more restricting than it appears on the catalogue.
Additionally, you are restricted by the requirements you have to take. You are not going to like everything, but limited choices make it even harder. Depending on your program, the list of requirements might be super long, leading to little choice on your part.
When I realized that I wasn’t enjoying 90% of the courses I was taking, I finally I understood why I felt the way I did. The texts we were studying didn’t hold the same appeal to me as my peers, so I didn’t understand them as deeply. It wasn’t so much that I was bad at it, but rather that I wasn’t passionate about it. This realization changed things for me immensely, but it took years to get here.
Moving Forward
When I say this realization took years, I mean it was only a few weeks ago when I fully understood how I felt. One day I was sitting in class and thought, “I’m not dumb, I just don’t really care about these books”. This was a game-changer because I realized it was okay to feel this way.
I think part of me assumed that I should be enjoying the classics like everyone else seemed to. The reality is, I like reading romance books, and that’s okay. It felt like I was missing something, and truthfully, I kind of was. I don’t have the same literary history knowledge because it doesn’t interest me. That doesn’t make me bad at my major, it just shows my differing interests.
Understanding why I feel the way I do has made things so much easier for me. I no longer feel dumb, rather, I realize I am not as engaged because I am not passionate about the things we read about in most of my English classes. I still try my best to understand my readings and contribute, but I don’t feel like I have to know everything anymore.
One of my favourite reminders is this: the world is so much bigger. In my article Dear first year me I wrote about how school can become all-consuming, but it is so important to remember there is so much more to life than school (or work). My degree isn’t the most important thing about me, and I don’t have to love it. Remembering all the things that I do love helps keep me motivated. As well, university is short, so even if I am not loving the academic side of things, I should enjoy this season in my life.
I hope you enjoy your degree more than I do, but if you feel similarly, I hope this article helps you feel seen. It’s okay to feel lost, bored, or unsatisfied, but realizing your degree is only a part of your life can be valuable because it provides a sense of freedom.
Thank you so much for reading, and feel free to check out my Instagram for more!
Hailey